George Harris, Kansas City Star Reader Advisory Panel

It's just too easy to ridicule South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. Not that I'm always above that sort of thing and not that I don't enjoy the humor in the mockery heaped on him, but I couldn't think of anything original to say.

Plus, I've felt really sorry for the whole family. The public humiliation would be tough for anyone to suffer. Well, almost anyone; there are some people who seem to like the attention.

But the governor made one comment I can't resist saying something about because I hear it so often in my work as a therapist.

She's my "soulmate" the governor said, referring to his Argentinian lover. The man needs some serious reflection about this.

Whenever people tell me they've found their soulmate or that they're looking for their soulmate, I ask, "But what if your soulmate lives in Beijing? How are you ever going to find her (or him)?"

Of course, there's another problem: If you find your soulmate in Beijing, how are you gonna talk to her?

The notion of soulmates implies that an unseen hand is guiding our love lives, that destiny awaits our discovery.

And if we believe that romantic nonsense, we tend to believe that once our soulmates are found, we will have effortless marital bliss.

Oops. It doesn't work that way.

Relationships are not so much found as built. Sure, it's important to find someone you're attracted to, someone who seems to share your values and goals. But after that, a relationship needs effort to work out conflicts and to build respect and consideration.

Most of us (including me) have moments of immaturity and selfishness that can't succeed in the crucible of family life. We have to find ways to grow up and make accommodations to be successful in our families.

And goofy ideas like the idea of soulmates keep us from being realistic about our relationships.

I wouldn't want to guess too much about the problems in the life of the governor and his first lady. Is she cold and unloving? Is he having a mid-life "crisis", having pretended most of his life to be something he is not? Is he now discovering that he has forced himself into an image of marriage that he thought would meet social approval but that inwardly stifles him?

These are the types of problems millions of people encounter and struggle with, fortunately without the glare of media flashbulbs.

So, ok, Governor Sanford can be the butt of jokes for awhile. He placed himself in the public eye and held himself out as a "family man."

But the problems he is having stem from some really silly ideas millions of people have about marriage and relationships and that can be seen every day in the media.

Let's hope the Governor gets some real help.