We must censor ourselves to prevent more riots
The Kansas City Star
No more offensive cartoons, please. A well-known expert explains what can happen when insensitive people callously insult cultures other than our own:
“Like a pot of bratwurst left unattended at a Lambeau Field pregame party, simmering tensions in the strife-torn Midwest boiled over once again today as rioting mobs of green-and-gold clad youth and plump farm wives rampaged through Wisconsin Denny’s and IHOPs, burning Texas toast and demanding apologies and extra half-and-half.
“The spark igniting the latest tailgate hibachi of unrest: a Texas newsletter’s publication of caricatures of legendary Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi.
“Protestors demonstrated against the images throughout the Badger State yesterday, with violent egging and cow-tipping incidents reported in Oconomowac, Pewaukee, Sheboygan, Ozaukee, Antigo, Oshkosh, Waubeno, Wauwautosa, Waunewoc, Wyocena, Waubeka, and Washawonamowackapeepee.
“Some of the most dramatic skirmishes were centered around Kenosha, where a mob of masked snowmobilers invaded the Texas Roadhouse on I-94, briefly holding the margarita machine hostage. They were later seen storming the beverage department at Woodman’s, where they purchased several cases of Point and a pack of Merit menthols, and later at the Brat Stop classic rock/sausage outlet, where they were reported angrily ‘boogie-ing out’ on air guitar to featured entertainment Molly Hatchett.”
The only option in the face of this crisis is for the president to perform the ritual full-atonement belly-crawl. The rioters must understand that the U.S. government had nothing to do with the production of these deeply offensive drawings.