Opposition to gay marriage offends me
Many things keep a man up at night. In this chaotic world, it seems a peaceful night’s sleep is almost impossible to come by these days. I tossed and turned and one thing kept me up last night.
I hadn’t planned on writing this. But I won’t be able to rest peacefully until I do.
This week, 61 percent of voters in North Carolina voted to ban gay marriage. As straight men often do when talking about this subject, I should let it be known that in no way does this amendment affect my life in a tangible way.
Nor do any of the other similar amendments in various states, including my own, which passed its own gay marriage ban in 2004 with 71 percent of the vote. I have gay friends. Some open, some not. Not one of them has asked me to write this. Nor do I ask them or anyone else to read or share this. I have other friends who are in the majority. Those who refuse to believe that two gay people should have the right to get married.
To my friends who believe that two people shouldn’t be allowed the chance to share happiness, I’m starting to question what your friendship really means to me. To be fair to these people, in almost every other aspect of life, you are truly wonderful people. If I had a problem, you would be there for me. If I just needed a smile, you would be there for me.
If I were the one getting married, you would be there for me. Yet here I am, questioning how important you really are to me because of an issue that doesn’t affect me.
There are several aspects of this controversial issue. There is the political side. There is an even larger religious side. I’m not one to preach the faults of these institutions to you. I have used to term “fag” many times in my life.
There are still many times in my life that being around the gay culture makes me uncomfortable, makes me want to be somewhere else. Yet I stand with them because during my life I have come to a few conclusions.
Politics divides us. Religion divides us. Cultures divide us. Almost everything seems to divide us.
What combines us? What are the only true things that connect us as human beings? Not Americans, not Republicans, not Democrats, not Christians, not Atheists, but what makes us human beings?
Hope and love.
On every corner of the earth you will find people want two things: hope and love. Most of my friends who are religious are of the Christian faith so most of the people I know who disagree with gay marriage are of that faith. To them I will be very brief because this is not meant to be a crusade against them. I have been very blunt about my beliefs. To the faithful, I must point out the obvious. Christians, your beliefs are 2,000 years old. Muslims, your beliefs have been around 1,400 years ago. Jews, more than 4,000 years. Marriage has been around for 10,000 years.
Love and hope? Those two ideas predate every religion or any other dividing characteristic of society by thousands of years. Why? It takes years for a person to learn about politics and even longer to try to comprehend religion.
For every human being, love and hope happen instantaneously. It is not something you learn, it is something you feel.
God, whichever one you believe in, does not sanctify marriage. Love and hope sanctifies marriage.
Many of my friends are beginning to get married or already have and are starting families. Your marriage has a 50/50 chance of making it. The other half will end in divorce.
Did gay marriage make that happen? Perhaps there is a more plausible reason. We brought this statistic upon ourselves. We let politics divide us, we let religion divide us and we use those institutions to justify our inexplicable need to hold on to the label of marriage.
For what? What is it to you? It affects you the same as banning gay marriage has affected me; it doesn’t.
I was blessed to have been born into a family whose parents have stayed together for more than 25 years. Politics didn’t keep them together. Religion didn’t keep them together. Love and hope kept them together.
To those in North Carolina, to those in Missouri and to those in all other states who have attacked the thought of gay marriage: I hope someday that you will find the hope and love which I so strongly believe in. It is obvious you have not done so yet.
Gay marriage is not about defining marriage. It is not a reflection on straight marriages. It is not even something which should be a debate.
Hope and love is not a bargaining chip, it is not a talking point and it certainly not something you should be able to deprive others the opportunity to have.
Be courageous. Don’t deny hope and love, embrace it.
Eric Bennaka is a 21-year-old college student from Independence, MO.
Johnathon Busby
1 year ago”Gays can marry?! World’s gonna end!” - 2012
“Coloreds can have equal rights?! World’s gonna end!” - 1960’s
“Women can vote?! World’s gonna end!” - 1919
“Slaves can have freedom?! World’s gonna end!” - 1865
“Americans can have freedom?! World’s gonna end!” - 1776
“Peasants can have rights? World’s gonna end!” - 1215
The people with control, power, and influence have always tried to keep that power and influence from others. The justification to look down on our fellows and treat them as less than human changes from generation to generation, but the deepest thoughts of the oppressors are always the same:
“We fear that which is different and new.”
Johnathon Busby
1 year agoHere’s a nice example of the sort of ignorance the anti equality lobby employs.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/2012/05/11/nebraska-woman-homophobia-rant-videon1509580.html?fbactionids=3996604552844&fbactiontypes=news.reads&fbsource=othermultiline&ref=fb&src=sp&mimi=1&comm_ref=false
George Hunsucker
Northland
1 year agoYour Christian friends are showing great patience and love to you Eric… You should reciprocate, not look for the splinter in their eyes…
Chip Chipperson
1 year agoYes, your Christian friends are showing their patience by denying equal human rights to gay people. How about stripping the rights of Christian marriages? Make it fair for everyone opposed to equal treatment, they don’t get the benefits of marriage also?
Johnathon Busby
1 year agoHer Christian friends should mind the beam in their own eyes, rather than point out the splinter in their neighbors’. Like the Bible says.
Sam Woods
1 year agoI’m rather a fan of Mr. Busby. Gay marriage is a right, like every civil right, and should not be put to a vote of the people. How many would’ve voted to end segregation? How many would’ve voted to allow Jackie Robinson to play in the major leagues? A vote on rights is tyranny of the majority, when the rights of the minority are sacrosanct to the founding fathers.
George Hunsucker
Northland
1 year agoI love it when you libs spout that there is some “right” to gay marriage. I agree there is a RIGHT to control who your property goes to when you die and who can see u in the hospital, but a RIGHT to marriage, sorry libs…. Why aren’t civil unions good enough for this abnormal lifestyle?
fyi johnathon, I think the name ERIC is a male, but in the lib world you live in maybe not. Or, maybe it is more “change we can believe in”…..
Johnathon Busby
1 year ago“Why aren’t civil unions good enough…”
Because separate but equal never is. We tried that, remember? Of course, maybe you’d like to go back to the pre Rosa Parks days.
“fyi johnathon, I think the name ERIC is a male, but in the lib world you live in maybe not”
shrugs I had read Erica as the signature the first time. I stand corrected on the gender of the letter writer, but you still don’t have a leg to stand on in the argument itself, just more insults.
More importantly, a thinking person would realize it does not matter whether the letter writer was male or female…
Mark Robertson
1 year agoSo-called “gay marriage” is not about defining marriage? Pardon me? That’s nearly all it’s about. So what if two brothers “love” each other and want to get “married” would that be ok? What about a brother and a sister, or a grandmother and grandson? If not, why not? And who or what says marriage is between two people except for the Bible and thousands of years of tradition? So-called same sex marriage would severely harm marriage. If marriage can mean anything, then it means nothing. And where do you draw the line? And if you do draw a line, why do you draw a line? What do you base it on? And if you don’t draw a line then marriage means nothing. So which is it? One can rationalize virtually anything.(See the 20th century where well over 100 million were murdered in the name of various “rational” causes.)Thank you. Mark Robertson Independence
Mark Robertson
1 year agoAgain, there is no comparison between slavery, interracial marriage, and other race related civil rights and the way two people choose to have sex. And the divorce rate between married couples who practice Natural Family Planning is from less than 1 percent to less than 5 percent, depending what studies one cites. The high divorce rate is the result of numerous other assaults on marriage. So-called same sex marriage is just one of the latest, and it would further damage true marriage, and already has in the U.S. and around the world. Thank you. Mark Robertson Independence
Sam Woods
1 year agoDivorce has done more to damage marriage than any gay couple possibly could. Your other questions are just hyperbole, Mark, nothing more. Kids can’t get married because it is against the law - I don’t see that changing any time soon. Brothers can’t marry sisters because those unions produce children with genetic mutations - another law I don’t see changing. Marriage has been rarely defined as between one man and one woman in human history - it’s been defined as between one man and several women. Don’t be on the wrong side of history. Tolerance rules.
George Hunsucker
Northland
1 year agoI want to go to a “wedding” between a woman and her favorite hampster!!!!
Mark Robertson
1 year agoHyperbole? I’m just asking where you draw the line, and why you would draw the line there. You say that the marriage of a brother and sister would produce children with genetic mutations. Ok, if physical problems are the reason to disallow marriage, how about aids? Men having “sex” with men has brought a high incidence of aids in those men, but you still seem to favor something called same sex marriage where sex would likely be taking place. How do you decide which diseases to allow and which not to? And what about all STDs? The only way to virtually guarantee not getting STDs is to not have sex before marriage, and then have a lifelong monogomous relationship with your marriage paretner of the opposite sex. It’s called natural law. God knew what he was doing and he gave use a rule book and signs to know what the right path is. Yes, it is often a challenging path for most. Thank you. Mark Robertson Independence
Mark Robertson
1 year ago“Marriage has been rarely defined as between one manande one woman in human history.” What? What are you talking about? Up is down and down is up. It seems that it must be necessary for the truth to be a casualty in advancing your point of view. Thank you. Mark Robertson Independence