In Kansas, Anything Is Now Possible
The Kansas City Star
This week Governor Brownback of Kansas signed a bill directing the KU Medical Center to establish a Midwest Stem Cell Therapy Center. Though it doesn’t provide any funding, the bill mandates that the university establish a center to research adult stem cells, as an alternative to embryonic stem cells.
KU seems a little surprised, saying it already does this kind of research, but that’s not the point. The point is, Kansas will now be the first state with an MSCTC, and if that doesn’t put us on the map, what will?
I’m not knocking stem cell therapy, of any kind. I don’t even know what stem cells are, but if they help cure diseases I’m all for them.
My question is this: While we’re at it, can we ask our medical university to look into a few other things? If there’s no funding required, where’s the harm?
For example, could we mandate a Midwest Big and Tall Research Institute (MBTRI), dedicated to discovering genes that will grow Kansans bigger and taller than everybody else? That would definitely put Kansas on the map. And not just for basketball, though it sure couldn’t hurt in that area as well.
Here are a few other proposals I’d like to see our politicians push forward:
X-Ray Vision Foundation (XRVF): As a kid, I was one of those suckers who ordered the secret X-Ray vision glasses advertised in comic books. I was familiar enough with Superman to know this could be a great power for good. Sadly, the glasses did not work, thus triggering my disenchantment with science, and I’m sure many other Kansan boys had similar experiences.
Wings Over Kansas Initiative (WOKI): With all the advances in prosthetics, when are we going to see the day when doctors can attach a set of wings to your back, and watch you fly away? Why not now? Fitting Kansans with wings could also reap huge spiritual benefits.
No Thin Skins Project (NTSP): Right now Kansas politicians seem obsessed with guns. While protecting our right to bear arms is important, how do we defend ourselves against the bad guys when their guns are better than ours? Could we ask the KU doctors to come up with an invincible skin cell, so tough even bullets couldn’t penetrate it? That way, folks can all have all the guns they ever want, and still feel safe. It’s a win-win for everybody.
These are just a few suggestions. I bet you’ve got some of your own, and if so don’t send them to me, I’m not a doctor or a scientist. Send them to your Kansas legislator. That’s one nice thing about Kansas politics: Reality doesn’t have to impede progress.
After all, isn’t our state motto: “Ad Astra per Aspera”? I never took Latin, but I think it means “To the Stars, Through Delerium.” Something like that.