Believe it or not, Chief’s chief feels your pain
The Kansas City Star
Nobody feels the pain of Kansas City Chiefs fans more than their owner. I know that, but I also know that the CEO of our football team is a private man, not very accessible to the public.
So as a public service, I called up my old buddy (we go back to our college days) and asked him a few questions. Now I can’t officially confirm that the man I talked to is the owner of the Kansas City Chiefs, but I can tell you that he lives in Dallas, and his last name rhymes with Punt.
Me: Hey Clarkster. How’s things?
CKH: Tankinator, what’s up dude! Still drinking those Meister Braus?
Me: No, I’ve moved on to the Natty Lites. But I got some questions about them Chiefs.
CKH: Oh. (Cough.) I love my Chiefs. What do you want to know?
Me: How are you taking their 1-5 record?
CKH: Very hard. In fact, when I got the call last Sunday that they’d lost to Tampa I was out mowing the grass, and I couldn’t even go on. Had to make the wife finish it. Not good.
Me: Fans are calling for the head of GM Scott Pioli. What do you say?
CKH: Scott is a great Chief, and he also knows the Patriot Way, which is something I think we can all respect, unless you’re a communist. If you look at the big picture, things started heading south when we lost the “Chiefs and Chopper” ads. I still find myself saying it now and then, mostly late at night. So if you really want to pin this on anybody, talk to Price Chopper.
Me: What is your assessment of the Chiefs right now?
CKH: To be honest, I think that’s a personal question, so I’ll defer it to the management team. Of course they won’t tell you anything either, unless they want to get fired.
Me: What’s your next move with this team?
CKH: Move? We’re not moving. We like Dallas. Remember that game when the boys wore the old Dallas Texan helmets? I hear that was very popular. My dad would be proud.
Me: Speaking of your dad, what would he have to say about this team?
CKH: He’d probably ground me. But you know, in his later years he spent a lot of time with his soccer stuff. In fact, I think he’d be real pleased with that Sporting KC team. They’re doing pretty good, don’t you think?